I'm about to turn 23. And I'm in graduate school until May. And then I'm basically an adult. With (hopefully) a job, a place of my own, bills of my own (just so excited about this), and endless possibilities of what I want to do and where I want to go.
If I want to move to Haiti, I can. If I want to work on behalf of the homeless, I will. If I want to lay around the house and do nothing....well considering those bills, I probably won't. But I could.
When did this all happen? How did I get to this point? Well it's been a whole lot of Jesus and lots of love, patience, forgiveness, understanding, and support from my family and friends. But lately I've been very reflective. If you know me personally, you know my life has taken some pretty drastic turns over the last year. I've made some mistakes and I've made some big decisions. I've leaned on Jesus and I've tried doing it my own way (hence the mistakes part). I've been able to look back and see some big lessons in my life and if I had a little sister, she would be getting an earful of unwarranted advice and would have a pretty great example of how to do things differently.
Side note: mom, please don't give me a little sister. I don't have time for that.
But let's say I did have a little sister....here's what I would tell her.
1. School isn't everything. School is important and can take you so far. My grades have allowed me to go through 5 years of college without any amount of debt, so you won't convince me school isn't important. But school isn't everything. It's far from it. I remember my freshman year of college...well parts of it. I remember sitting in my room for hours and hours and hours doing calculus homework. And you know where calculus got me...into a different major. What I've learned over the years is that the more I enjoy life and stay busy, the more I get done in school. When I realize I don't have hours and hours to do homework, I get it done a lot quicker. When I know I have something fun with my friends to do that night, my time spent doing schoolwork that day sucks a whole lot less. Enjoy school, but enjoy your life, too. You don't get these years back.
2. Boys also aren't everything. I know, big surprise. I was lucky enough to have a great relationship in high school with little drama and a whole lot of laughs. But I was the exception to that rule. And we didn't stay together after high school, so I then became the rule--not the exception. The chances that you will marry the guy you date when you're younger is slimmer than slim. It happens, but there's a great big world out there to explore. Go do that first. Go find yourself. Travel. Make friends. Live life. Grow. Change. Become the woman you're meant to be and then find a guy that loves the real you. The you that knows who you are and what you want. The you that God designed you to be. Don't waste your time in the drama, heartbreak, jealousy, and confusion of an immature relationship. Go on dates. Have fun. But grow up before getting serious.
3. Despite my last advice, you will get your heart broke. And that's okay. Don't fight it...let it hurt. I know that's opposite of everything our society tells us. "Move on. There's other fish in the sea. Be strong. Don't let people see you cry. Make him jealous." I call bull crap on all of that. Getting hurt sucks. A lot. So why do we try so hard to rush through this season? I know it sucks. Every girl who's ever lived knows it sucks. But it happens and it's okay to hurt. It's okay to cry for awhile. It's okay to watch sad movies and listen to songs about how guys are the worst. Let it happen. Feel it. And cling to God through it because He gets it too. If anyone knows heartbreak, its Him. Don't rush to the next guy just to feel like you're moving on. That's what happens when you rush heartbreak. It never heals. It just sits there in your soul and festers until the next guy breaks your heart because you weren't ready. It's okay to hurt. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. "For when I am weak, I am strong." In the story of David, God shows us that He will fight for us when we can't go on (1 Samuel 30). God shows us time and time again that pain is part of life and that's okay. One day at a time, it will hurt a little worse. You won't even know it's happening. One day you will look back and see the healing that happened that you didn't even know God was doing. But let God do that. Don't rush it.
4. It's better to feel everything than nothing at all. Don't put up too many walls because of heartbreak. One of my favorite prayers is that God would break my heart for what breaks His. And He sures does. Sometimes I can't walk around in public without tears coming to my eyes because of the sheer pain in the world. I feel everything. I'm trusting of people and that gets me hurt sometimes. I get attached and that also gets me hurt. But I've also had times where I guard myself from the world because the suffering is exhausting. And after experiencing both, I take the pain. I know people may say my heart is "too soft" like it's a bad thing, but I see it as a compliment. I would rather hurt every day than to miss all the joys and blessings that also come. When you put up walls, you don't just keep the bad out--you keep everything and everyone out. Beware of that. Jesus was a "man of many sorrows" (Isaiah 53:3). He chose pain, yet had so much joy and peace through the Father. Feel everything. Let it in. You will be truly blessed through it all.
5. You deserve nothing. You are not entitled to anything. Despite the fact that dad may call you a princess and the world says you can have anything you want, you deserve nothing. You do not deserve respect from anyone. You do not deserve a job, a place to live, food, money, or any of these other things that we so easily call "blessings." What about the people around the world that love God wholeheartedly but do not have these things? Do they not deserve it? No they don't, and neither do you. The Gospel shows us that we are sinners and are entitled to nothing. In fact, God willingly gave His Son despite the fact that we don't deserve it. You are a sinner. You are not better than anyone. If you want respect, give it first. If you want love, show it first. If you want a raise at your job, earn it. Make yourself a servant of others and work hard for everything. You are the daughter of a King, but by the world's standards, you are not a princess.
6. Learn how to not only forgive others, but to forgive yourself too. God sees you as blameless through Jesus Christ because He wants better for you than to live in guilt and regret. Who are you to put a label on yourself or someone else that God doesn't? Forgive people always. And when you're at fault, recognize your mistakes. Always ask for forgiveness from God, the people you affected, and from yourself. Then move on. God does and you should too.
7. Find a mentor. Or three. You're going to need people in your life to speak truth. Who tells you what's hard to hear. And it's always hard, but always good for you. Look at the women in your church. Look at coaches and teachers and family. Find people who you admire and that radiate Jesus, and ask them to disciple you. You need it. You may think you have everything figured out, but we are our own worst enemy. We easily deceive ourselves into thinking that whatever we are doing is right, and you need a woman who can shoot you straight. Never underestimate the power of the Bible, a loving mentor, honest conversation, and coffee. That combination will change your life time and time again.
8. Don't save your outfits for a special occasion. I'm infamous for throwing on jean shorts and a basic tee just because I don't want to pull out my new shirt or dress just yet...I'm saving it. Holy cow, just wear it. Every day should be celebration and when you think you look good, you feel good. Now with that in mind, be careful of what you wear. Belly shirts and mini skirts may be fashionable, but what image are you wanting to portray? People will treat you in whatever way you give them permission to. If you want respect, dress that way. If you want meaningless and empty attention from guys and to be hated by girls, go ahead and dress that way too. But clothes are important. And they are meant to be worn so go put on that new dress. The day you've been saving it for may never come, so enjoy it! (I say this with complete knowledge of one dress in my closet I've been saving...)
9. Life isn't fair. The quicker you accept this, the more joy you will find in life. Again, you don't deserve anything and neither does anyone else. Terrible, terrible things happen to good people, and sometimes the worst people get all the glory. There's sin in the world so crap happens. Don't try to reason it or make sense of it. Do what you can to change it, then rest in the promise that God will conquer this sin one day. Move on. He will handle it.
10. Never underestimate the power of a smile. For you and for others. Whether you feel like it or not, just smile to someone. Not in a flirty way. But show kindness through a smile. I've had countless situations where someone else's simple smile turned my own attitude around. Do that for others.
11. Confidence, confidence, confidence. I hate fake. But with confidence, follow the saying "fake it til you make it." It doesn't matter whether you are confident or not. All that matters is that people think you are confident. Hold your head up whenever you walk. Look people in the eyes. Smile. A little confidence goes a long way.
12. Take your shoes off when you go into someone else's home. And call people "Mrs." "Miss" and "Mr." Using "sir" and "ma'am" isn't outdated. Show respect to people at any cost.
13. Cherish your friendships. Make friends and lots of them. But find just two or three to really invest in. Make sure they build you up. Girls have this nasty habit of tearing each other down. Be happy for each other. Celebrate each other's successes (even if you are jealous). Cry with each other. Find friends who make you a better person. And sometimes realize that friends won't really last forever. God gives us people for "such a time as this." I've experience heartache because I've held on too tightly to friends who were never suppose to stick around. Accept the fact that sometimes you're BFF's were really just "best friends for awhile." You will find a handful of friends who will stick by you your whole life, and others will come and go. But cherish each friendship regardless. The friendship will only be as strong as you make it, and trust me, you will need friends.
14. Enjoy today. Don't wait for tomorrow. Don't rush from one thing to the next. Don't wait for the right moment. Be patient with life and take it as it comes. Tomorrow has enough to worry about (Matthew 6:34). If you have a big dream, go after it now. Don't say you'll do things when you're less busy...it won't happen. Don't stress about school or work or friends so much that you can't enjoy the life God has given you today. You will graduate. You will find a husband. You will get a job. Those things aren't what start your life. Your life is happening right now. And you won't get this moment back. Let that sink in for a second. I mean really think about it. If you realize that simple fact, you can't help but find some sort of joy today. You have to.
15. Find God. Every. Single. Day. I'm still working on this, but let me tell you what, it's the most important. Read. Pray. Talk about Him with others. Do something for Him. Don't just act like a Christian. Don't just say the right things. Believe them. When I look back, the thing that made the single biggest difference in the highs and lows of my life was a daily walk with God. No joke. No matter what was going on in my life, if I pursued God every day, I could tell a difference. Even when you don't feel like it, do it anyway. Set aside a time every day and when you miss it, find another time that day. No excuses. He is all that matters.
