When You Need a Map

Lost.
Ever felt lost? Yeah, I just heard you sigh with the realization that you have felt like that before. That you feel like that right now.

Webster defines lost in an interesting way...
not knowing where you are
no longer held, owned, or possessed.

When you're lost, you lose focus. You aren't concerned with where you are going because you have no idea where you are. You can't determine a path without knowing your current location. So being lost is dangerous.
You're stuck. You're confused. You're scared. You're vulnerable.

My current state of lost has been debilitating. Because I've been so caught up in my own situation, I've been entirely selfish. So it's time I find where I am. It's time to rediscover who I am. My feeling of lost has been caused by both intentional and unintentional attack against who I thought I was. These attacks have left me hurt, stuck, and entirely vulnerable to Satan. The attacks I feel aren't necessarily from the people. These attacks are from Satan and I have allowed them to penetrate my thoughts and heart. This has caused me to question who I am, what I believe, who I thought I am, and who I am becoming. Though I'm not, I've felt alone. I no longer feel held, owned, or possesed. I no longer know where I am. I've been the textbook definition of lost. But this is not acceptable any longer. But where to go from here? I can't figure out where to go without first figuring out where I am. Without first figuring out who I am.

I am not a mistake. |Ephesians 2:10| 

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works,
which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

I don't always know what's going on. I don't always see my purpose or my place. Sometimes I wonder, "Why am I here, God? Why do you have me here right now?" And honestly, I don't always know. Sometimes my purpose is clear, but when things get rocky, I lose sight of that. But I can rest assured that I am not a mistake. I am here for a reason. There is something to be done. In all circumstances, I must glorify Christ. That is my purpose above all else. And God specifically made me with gifts, talents, and abilities to do that very thing. He knit me together perfectly. He made no mistake. I am intentionally made. Like a artist loves his painting, God finds me without blemish and His prized creation.

I am not forgotten. |Philippians 1:6|

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you
will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

You know the feeling well, I am sure of this. The feeling of being forgotten. The feeling of being alone. But God never abandons His children. If you have given your heart to Him, He will NEVER leave your side. If you are alive, He is still working in your life. And even though I forgot this truth, He did not give up. This thought brings me to tears every single time. He is not finished with me yet. And He's not finished with you either. It doesn't matter what you've done or what you believe of yourself, He is a relentless love, continually in pursuit of your heart. You are never ever forgotten by God.

I am not alone. |John 15:15|

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing;
but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.

God is so big, He is King of all. Yet He is so personal, He is my friend. I can't even imagine this. It is something I have yet to comprehend completely because those two qualities don't naturally go together. He knows all, rules all, and controls all, yet He so passionately loves me, that He wants for me to call Him friend. He wants me to know His heart completely. He wants to talk with me. He wants to give me wisdom. He just wants time with me. He is my friend, and I am never alone. 

I am weak, but that's okay. |2 Corinthians 12:9-10|

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  

These verses have got me through some of the hardest times in my life. God so uniquely reminds us that it is okay to not always be okay. In Isaiah 53:3, we are reminded that Jesus is a "man of sorrows, much acquainted with grief." He lived with pain and suffering every single day. He gets it. He knows how hard things can get, and because He overcame all sin and death, we can trust Him to do the same for us (John 16:33). Through the cross, Jesus proved Himself entirely capable to fight for us. When we are at our weakest, God is able to shine through us the brightest because it is so clearly seen that it is by His strength alone that we push on. When I am beaten down, God shows up in a big way. He is my strength and refuge (Psalm 46:1), and by His strength alone will I endure. I don't have to rely on myself anymore. It's okay to not always have it all together. He does. 

I am valuable. |1 Corinthians 6:20|

for you were bought with a price.

In the eyes of God, I am worthy. He sent His one and only Son--His most prized possession--for me. He paid the ultimate cost, which is death, for me. God gave Jesus for me. Jesus suffered for me. And now He waits for me. Why on earth would I continue to seek my value in the words of anyone else but God? When I compare what God did for me to what others do for me, I realize to whom I belong. I am paid for and my debt of sin is clear. I mean everything to God. He loves when I don't and He forgives when I don't, because to Him, the extra work is worth it...because I am worth it. And you are too.

I am protected. |Romans 8:31-39| 

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 These verses speak for themselves. When I feel attacked, I must remember that God will fight for me. I must remember that no matter what I endure or what hurts me, nothing is comparable to the joy I will find in heaven with God (Romans 8:18). In God, I don't just have to make it. I am a conqueror in Christ. Because He will eventually triumph over all evil, I will too. Nothing I do and nothing anyone else does will separate me from God. So it doesn't matter what people say about me, all that matters is what God says about me, because their words don't change His opinion of me. To Him, I am lovely and I am His. He will protect my heart if I just let Him have it.

I am forgiven. |Isaiah 53:5|

But he was pierced for our transgressions;
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
    and with his wounds we are healed.

When people point out my flaws, my weaknesses, my insufficiency, or even make up ones to get me down, I must remember I am forgiven. When I forget what Jesus did for me on the cross--how He took the beatings, mocking, hatred, pain, and unimaginable death--I am saying it wasn't good enough. I am saying to God, "it's cool and all that you sent your one and only Son for me, but that wasn't enough. His death was for nothing because it just doesn't cover this sin, God. I'm glad He did it, but You are not enough for me." Do you honestly believe that today? Do I believe that? The last month of my life shows that I have, but I refuse to believe it anymore. When Christ died on the cross, He died for everyone and every sin. Mine included. When I forget what Christ did for me, I forget who I am. I forget who I am, because I forget who He is. And He is mighty, powerful, just, and King. He calls Himself the great I AM. The ruler of all. So high and grand that He rules the universe, yet so intimate that He knows my heart.

When I question who I am, I must remember who I AM is. The contents of this blog would never be enough to explain the great I AM, let alone what He thinks of me. But this is my reminder. This is my map. And I hope you find one too. My word is "lovely." When I meet Jesus one day, I so desperately want Him to call me "lovely." Maybe in another post, I'll explain exactly what lovely means to me, but what about you? What do you want Jesus to call you? What does Jesus call you now? God no longer looks at my faults, my sins, or my baggage. He is fully aware I have it and He is constantly refining me to be more like His Son, but when God looks at me, I am confident that despite how I feel that day, I am lovely to Him. This word is my reminder. I hope you find your own.

I am not lost; I am lovely.